thankful

we are home and i am so thankful. the past 24 hours are comparable to sleep walking, your body fully going through each motion but your brain not fully grasping every movement. there's a certain disconnect that i put on, a futile attempt at guarding my heart and mind from unnecessary concern and sadness.

i think my husband said it best this evening..."when i got home, i just wanted to hug our boys... and feel like i'm still in need of a good cry." yes. that's where i am too.

our sweet boy came through the surgery well and the MD's found what they were looking for. we sit in a state of relief and great thankfulness.

we are thankful not only for the success of our boy's surgery, but also that the hospital, and all things that come with it, are not our "normal". we are so grateful, and pray so for the parents and precious children who find themselves there so much. walking through the halls of the cardiac intensive care unit was heart wrenching.

mostly, we walk away with a renewed gratefulness to God and the desire to love even better. i have loved hugging and kissing my boys every day, but i desire to hug and kiss them more. i now find myself not passing them without at least a quick squeeze or kiss on their sweet heads or cheeks. there's just no reason to rush by them.

we also walk away exhausted; physically, spiritually and emotionally. but praising God for His faithfulness and strength! He is worthy of praise! there is.no.way we could have faced this trial without Him.

now, i head to my own bed, for some much needed physical rest. praying we all rest well.

heart catheterization

tomorrow, we report to the hospital at 7 AM. the catheterization is scheduled to begin at 8. a heart catheterization, that is.

we knew when we got the initial diagnosis that this surgery was a possibility. however, we had hoped that it wouldn't be necessary.

i am not sure how parents who have chronically ill children, needing multiple surgeries, cope. my heart goes out to them. all i know is that i would do anything to take my child's place, if i could. if i could under-go the catherization and my child be better, this would've been done a long time ago.

and, not that i'm comparing my son's surgery to Jesus' horrific time on the cross. but... it makes me wonder how badly God desired to take Jesus' place...

thankfully, i know something else too.. that God is our rock and fortress, a very present help in time of trouble. we go in tomorrow confident that He is in control of every detail and movement by the Dr's and nurses. He also has a wonderful plan in our sweet boy's life in this midst of this. there are lessons for all us.

with that said, we appreciate your prayers. prayers that the procedure would work, and that our sweet 12 year old would be healed.
thank you friends.

fifteen

 

this time, fifteen years ago, i was wide-eyed awake, laying in bed, heart and stomach fluttering alike. wondering what tomorrow would hold and looking forward to the biggest thing of all, becoming Mrs.

i tossed and turned that night, excitement stealing my sleep. at one point, i visited my parents and reminisced of years when comfort was found between them. then, back in my own bed, i prayed, thanking God for the one i was to wed the next day.

my beloved, the one who God gave me and made me for.

we were so in love that day and we are so in love now. it is true, what they say, about love growing with time. when God is the center of what we do, He grows us individually as well as together. it is an awesome miracle to watch, this tapestry of God's love and grace. He interweaves us, day by day, no threaded minute missing His hand. and it is a beautiful pattern He's made... and one He's not finished with yet.

and my prayer remains the same.

"that our love would show the beauty of His love. that our lives would be directed by His hand above. and no matter what trials in life we face, we know He'll grant us His abounding grace. and we'll stand in awestruck wonders of His way. as we share the love He's given us on this day."


to the man of my dreams then and now... i love you... happy fifteen