challenged.

 earlier this week, i said goodbye to the three older men in my life. hubby left for a week of speaking at a camp, and two older boys were dropped off at church for a few days of local ministry opportunity. teenage sleepless nights and enough memories to clutter a journal and fill up hours of endless stories since their arrival home. i now anxiously await stories from my husband. the beginning of the week found me so off kilter, with all three of them away. their empty beds left an open pit feeling in my stomach and not kissing them goodnight did not sit well with me. my boys are now home and hubby is only one day away. i am thankful.

i have done quite a bit of reading this week, into thick night hours, eyelids heavy. i read mostly blogs, mostly by people who claim God as their strength and soul motivation. quite a few of them also full time missionaries. they tell stories of God's hand at work, deep struggles met with God-strength courage, moments when all seems loss and God shows Himself mighty, again. it all sounds amazing and thrilling. and if i am being honest, there is something awfully appealing to that kind of life. a life full of faith that says forsake all and give all and truly take up your cross daily.

but then i begin to wonder...what is it that is so appealing about their live out loud faith? what they are doing is wonderful, and absolutely worthy of respect. please do not for a second think that i find their calling ill-founded, on the contrary. but i have to wonder if sometimes we do not make it out to be somehow better, more important. we devalue our seemingly mundane daily tasks, just because they are not taking place in a foreign land?
 ...God's Word tells me that this world, the whole thing, is foreign to those that know Him...

honestly, being in a foreign country, i found it easier to love, because the people wanted to love me. i found it easier to share Jesus with them, because they hung on every word i said. i have experienced both, and sharing my faith is more difficult here. and a large part of me screams to go to where they want to listen.
you can show up without hesitation, without apology, and share Jesus.
they expect you to.. it is why you are there.

but He bids me to daily come to Him here. i am reminded that He said to love Him with all my heart and to love my neighbors as myself. and here i am thinking that going half way around the world sounds amazing, and i cannot seem to walk down the street to say hello. if i could believe God is big and able enough to use me elsewhere, i should certainly believe it for now, for here.

and this is my challenge..to live out my faith in Jesus Christ so vividly right where God has me...
without apology, without hesitation.
 God expects me to.. it is why He has me here.