i am

i just re-read my last post and have to chuckle a little. there i sat, so thankful for the time that i had to spend home. while not enjoying the fact that my boys were sick, i still had joy in the midst..choosing to see what was good in the circumstances.

well, apparently the tables have turned, and sickness finds me personally this time. i have had the oddest, and disturbing, list of symptoms throughout the past 2 weeks. after a gamut of tests, some still undergoing, there is no absolute diagnoses. strangely, i find this fact both unnerving and comforting. unnerving that after all of these tests, we still have no for sure answer. comforting, as it is a firm reminder that we are not in control, but thankfully, can know the One Who is.

i would be flat out lying if i were to tell you that the past weeks have been easy for me.i am exhausted, and discouragement looms. today, with a heart monitor on (further testing from last week's issues), coughing so hard, stabbing pain in my sides, head over toilet.. i sat in the bathroom, thinking "wow, i am frustrated..and tired..and angry..and sick of being sick..". that's when i began praying.."i am exhausted Lord, i am just desiring to feel good, i am..." and His still small voice spoke.. " remember I AM."

God does care that i have been sick, and never likes to see his children suffer, but He assures us that He is the Great I Am. knowing this truth is so comforting, and it is just like Him to profoundly remind me to rest in Him. He is great, and Worthy to be praised! 

may i never be so focused on the "i am's" that i miss what The I Am has for me.