not the normal warm and fuzzy

uncertain whether being sick has allotted my time unwisely, or perhaps i was supposed to get fired up about some things. but the past couple of days have held more quiet time than usual. time to read, time to pray, and more than my norm on the internet. it hasn't been all bad. some things i have wanted to search for a while, so, the down time was well spent, in that sense. but, my searches ran me across paths on subjects that i deal little with.. nor, take the time to discuss with many people. controversy gives me a headache, and mostly i steer clear. people who know me, know that i love Jesus, my family and others. i am happy to discuss any topic, but am assuredly convinced of the stand i take on God's Word. while i have had tough conversations with some...the kind that our human says to walk away from and forget..that it would be easier to not have the discussion at all... i have never made an issue of something controversial on this blog. this may be the first.

sex. it is everywhere we turn, and as a momma of 4 boys.. 2 now pubescent boys.. i am more aware of it than ever. it makes me physically ill to think about what my boys have to do to train their thoughts.. as we are shopping and walk by the ladies "clothing" section, pictures on magazines at checkout, book and magazine covers at the library and in the grocery store.. and don't even get me started on the mall. on the extremely rare occasion that we go there, we strategically head straight to the store we need and leave.. our reasoning for this is because we want to protect our boys from that infamous store known as VS, Victoria Secret.. in fact, if it's necessary to walk by the store, my boys know to walk on the opposite side of the mall..the oldest has even been known to discreetly shield his younger brother's view with his body. i will never forget when our third son noticed the pictures on that store's display for the first time.. how he immediately turned away..looking downward first, then asking me, "why do they have pictures of naked people?" i didn't have to tell him that it was wrong.. the Holy Spirit had already directed his reaction.

i hear your thoughts now.. "what's wrong with that store?"...and here comes the reasoning.."they make really comfortable bras and underwear".."i can't find anything that fits or supports me as well".. i have heard it all. and i think it's an excuse. it's another, and yet another, excuse to continue in an effort to try and fit into the world's view of sex. while having comfortable underwear and bras is important (we've all had our share of stabbing underwires and ride-up panties).., and there is absolutely nothing wrong with dressing nicely for your husband.. but can't you buy these things in many different stores? stores that don't leave you questioning right from wrong, or have your son asking about the naked people. let's face it, VS has branded a form of sexuality.

i have felt this way for a very long time... and those closest to me know it. so, what has my panties in a bunch now? (sorry..but i have to still maintain an ounce of humor)

 have you heard about their new line, targeted directly at middle school aged girls? no, i don't have girls... but it doesn't take any brilliance to realize that this will impact the girls who are around my boys... and eventually, those who will be my daughter-in-laws, and then granddaughters. 

 the new line is called "Bright Young Things", and has crept into an area of marketing that even The Today Show on NBC would not show pictures of. it is said that some of the panties have "feeling lucky?" and "call me" printed on them.. REALLY??? this is middle school we're talking about. i can only imagine the catalog. (and we wonder why pedophilia continues to be a problem on the rise)

we all remember that horribly awkward time in life. it's when most of us were figuring out what was going to define us. whether the world's view of us made us who we were, or God's view of us. and, you know what?? don't tell me that this major brand hasn't figured that out.. they have. and, while i hate that they're exploiting our young people to make the almighty dollar, i can't blame them. no, i don't blame them at all. they know that this age group is easily influenced. they see a huge money making market.. and, if they can hook them at this age, they'll have them for life. but, i don't blame them.

 i blame us..the parents of these young people.

we, as the adult women need to set the example for these young ladies, and for our young men.. that they would be able to recognize a lady when they see one.

effective parenting has never been able to say "do as i say, not as i do", and it's not going to work in this case either.

i am

i just re-read my last post and have to chuckle a little. there i sat, so thankful for the time that i had to spend home. while not enjoying the fact that my boys were sick, i still had joy in the midst..choosing to see what was good in the circumstances.

well, apparently the tables have turned, and sickness finds me personally this time. i have had the oddest, and disturbing, list of symptoms throughout the past 2 weeks. after a gamut of tests, some still undergoing, there is no absolute diagnoses. strangely, i find this fact both unnerving and comforting. unnerving that after all of these tests, we still have no for sure answer. comforting, as it is a firm reminder that we are not in control, but thankfully, can know the One Who is.

i would be flat out lying if i were to tell you that the past weeks have been easy for me.i am exhausted, and discouragement looms. today, with a heart monitor on (further testing from last week's issues), coughing so hard, stabbing pain in my sides, head over toilet.. i sat in the bathroom, thinking "wow, i am frustrated..and tired..and angry..and sick of being sick..". that's when i began praying.."i am exhausted Lord, i am just desiring to feel good, i am..." and His still small voice spoke.. " remember I AM."

God does care that i have been sick, and never likes to see his children suffer, but He assures us that He is the Great I Am. knowing this truth is so comforting, and it is just like Him to profoundly remind me to rest in Him. He is great, and Worthy to be praised! 

may i never be so focused on the "i am's" that i miss what The I Am has for me.

satisfied..and thankful

quiet games of tic-tac-toe, watching some silly shows and playing on the Ipad.. some apps even educational. that is what the past days have consisted. each morning, we check the sick boy's status. although, his the night's have predicted daybreak's outcome. then the gathering blanket and pillow, to once again, morph  living room into infirmary.

i admit these quiet days of cannot-go-anywhere have been somewhat soothing. much laundry is accomplished and grocery lists made. my full attention is on my boys, my husband, my home... full attention on the immediate gifts God has placed in my life. it's a breath deep, satisfying feeling. i am thankful.

besides a needed run to the doctor, the only time out-and-about was Monday, when necessary errands were run. my eldest, 13 going on 18, kept me company...and what wonderful company he is. i know i have mentioned before, but he is such a gentleman. runs to get my door, even beating me around the side of the car to open my driver side before i get my keys safely ticked inside my purse. our conversation is both light hearted and deep. watching him become a man is amazing, and i love spending time with him. God is doing wonderful things in his heart and life. it is a privilege to be his Mom.

we trekked off to the dreaded MVA, where, after only an hour, i left with a new license. one that has a less than ten years ago photo and updated, ahem, weight. the real heavy moment though was sitting there realizing that the next time i would be there was less than two years from now, again with my son...but not for myself, but instead for him. it will be here before i turn around. time has proven that much is true.

upon leaving, he asked if we could grab lunch..specifically, if we could go inside somewhere to sit and eat. what treasured times these are for me. i try to grab every one of these opportunities to spend time with each of my boys. i had a lot waiting for me to do at home, and we still had to grocery shop. but, it was much more important right then to hear my son's heart... really listen to him.

we had a wonderful lunch together and headed to the grocery store. apparently, everyone else had to shop on Monday as well.. it seemed half of our county population was there. at first, i couldn't figure out why the onslaught of shoppers. that's when my son reminded me that we were to get a decent helping of snow in the next days. ahhhh.. so, that's why the bread shelf was almost empty.. i will never understand why some act as if they'll never be able to get out of the house again when we're supposed to see some snow. we are a funny people.

so, now i sit here, awaiting the "big storm". word has it that we could see on the upwards of a foot. today was sunny and almost fifty degrees.. we shall see. besides the sunny day, it was also a great day for my little sick man. besides a sniffle, he seems fully recouped. now, my oldest is down. hoping it doesn't make it's way through the whole family. oh well.. at least if it snows, we'll be back to cannot-go-anywhere, and i will still be deeply satisfied.. and thankful.