the groove-less edge

somewhere to begin. that is the great ponder of this night, this day, these weeks. and it seems that it is beginning over and over again that must be done. just when i think we have caught the groove, that we are on our way down the right track, that is the moment that we are derailed, set into a different gear.

it is in these derailed moments that i am shaken of control, loosened of my pulled-togetherness. and it is raw..and real. sometimes it is static hectic, sometimes it is husband out of town whilst the furnace and electric belly-up, and sometimes it is a boy come down sick, fever soaring high. all of these derail my plans, my groove. and i am forced to live on the edge.

i am not particularly fond of the edge. while not necessarily afraid of heights, i am not one to jump without calculating, weighing the risks. and while this all sounds responsible and possibly right, i wonder if it prevents some movement of the Spirit. would He have me jump, and soar with Him to something even better?

perhaps today's better was tending to a sick child, brothers even helping where they could. working together to help him feel better, playing quietly with him, allowing him to rest, bringing him a drink with a blue straw because blue is his favorite, just saying "i love you and i am praying you feel better". i got oodles of extra cuddles and spent more time still, talking to my Savior.

today's better was love, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control, and joy... not because i planned it. but because the Holy Spirit said soar..ride on my wings.

... appreciating the edge a little more each time i am knocked out of my groove...